The Decision: Not When, but Why

I've always been jealous of those girls.  

Those girls who can put their finger on the exact life-changing moment when they knew.

The moment they knew they were supposed to go on a mission.  

The moment the world stopped spinning and nothing else really mattered.  

Because the path of their life had been completely changed. 

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I always secretly wished that I had one of those fabulous, mind blowing stories.  You know what kind I'm talking about.  The story of how a mission was never in the plan.  Then one day..... POOF! An answer is received and the course of life is forever changed.  

But that's not my story.  And that's ok. 

I feel like the desire to serve a mission has been woven into my life from the time I was young. I have always just assumed that I would go on a mission if I wasn't married by the time I was 

21.

 Typical right?  

And I DEFINITELY wasn't planning on that.  I had too much to see and do before I got married. Thus a mission was the default. 

But that was pretty much it.  The default plan.  I was kind of planning on it, but I hadn't given it much thought.  

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Fast Forward a few years.........

It was April 2010.  

I had just turned 17.... like 2 weeks ago. 

I was on a bus zipping through the lush landscapes of Guatemala headed to Quetzaltenango. 

I had nothing but time.  

Time, a journal, gorgeous landscapes, the old lady sleeping on my shoulder and me.  

So naturally I started pondering life.  I started thinking about what I really wanted out of life. I started thinking about my life goals and where I wanted to be in 10.... 20..... 50 years. I dreamed about all of the countries I would go to.  All of the kids I would have.  I thought about where I would go to school, what I would study.  How I would contribute to society.  Then it popped in my head.  "What about a mission?"

I remember feeling overwhelming peace.  

And Goosebumps. 

This was not a new idea.  It was tentatively in my plan. But this moment was a tender mercy from the Lord.  Something small to look back on when I wasn't sure. 

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Fast Forward another 2 1/2 Years......

It was October 6, 2012

I was an English teacher in China.

And I was on vacation to one of the most beautiful places in the world.  

Guilin, China.

We had spent the day exploring an adorable ancient village (above), hiking up waterfalls, eating street food, and enjoying beautiful Guilin.  And we were exaughsted. 

I decided to skype my family in the Hostel Lobby.  I knew they would all be together since it was conference weekend and I could say hi to everyone at once.  Plus I could get the scoop on conference.  Favorite talks to study first etc. 

Family: "AIMEE,AIMEE! Guess what? You could be on a mission right NOW!"

Me: "What are you talking about? I'm not 21.  I'm only 19."

Family: "They just changed the age! Girls can go at 19! You could be 1/3 the way into your mission already. How does that make you feel?

Me: [Silence and goosebumps]

Family: "What are you going to do? Are ya gonna go?"

Me: [More silence and MORE goosebumps]

I went back and wrote in my journal.  I had always planned a mission into my life.  It was in the plan........ for when I was 21.  Now I had a decision to make.  Not whether or not to go.  But WHEN to go.  What would I do?  Should I start my papers now?  Leave after the semester? After summer? When I was 21 like I was planning? When I finished school? I had a lot of thinking to do.

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Fast Forward another 13 months........ 

3 weeks from TODAY I will be set apart as a full time LDS missionary. 

Called to serve in the Fiji, Suva mission. 

I am so excited. 

And I know without a doubt that this is what I am supposed to be doing right now.  

I can't tell you exactly when I made the decision to serve.  But I'm sure glad I did.  

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As I have reflected back on all of this "mission business", I have come to realize that it's not so important when I chose to serve a mission.  

What truly matters is Why I have chosen to serve. 

These are 3 of the many reasons. 

[One.] The Gospel will change the world. 

I have always had a huge interest in humanitarian efforts.  

I am fascinated with developing countries.  The Cycle of Poverty.  Recovering from natural disasters. Self-Reliance. Education. Helping people help themselves.  Micro Loans. You name it.  I love studying theories on how to help these countries and their struggling economies. 

 I love the people of this world! I want to learn about each of their lives! I want to help them.

 As I have visited a few of these countries and interacted with people, and thought long and hard about how to truly help them, I have come to realize that the answer is simple.  

The Gospel of Jesus Christ. 

The Gospel is the greatest gift you can possibly give these people.  Greater than a new school or a month's supply of rice.  Greater than even a scholarship to a university or a micro loan. The Gospel changes lives.  

The Gospel gives purpose to life.  Purpose to working hard and gaining an education.  It gives commandments to live by that bless lives.  The word of wisdom. The law of Chastity.  Tithing. It's all because our Heavenly Father wants us to be happy. 

The Gospel emphasizes the importance of eternal families.  It blesses and strengthens families.  Strong families in turn help the economy.  And society by teaching children values. The Gospel will improve countries.  Individual by individual.  Family by family.  

The Gospel is the answer.  

{For more on this idea see this talk. It's fabulous.}

[Two.] I am so blessed. 

I have been so blessed to be born into a family that values the Gospel and strives to live it's teachings.

I have been so blessed to have grown up with the Gospel in my home.  To have learned correct principles from my parents and my leaders. 

I have been blessed to have the Spirit to guide and direct my life.  To have the comfort It brings when I have needed it most.  

Blessed to have a knowledge of my Savior.  Of the Atonement.  Of the plan of Salvation.  Of my Heavenly Father's unconditional Love for me. 

Blessed with the purpose that these things bring to my life. 

..............

I want to show my gratitude for these blessings my giving 18 months of my life to the Lord. So that through me, he can bless more of his precious children.  And I know that by giving and trying to repay the Lord, I will only receive even more BLESSINGS! Crazy how that works. 

[Three.] Love. 

I have a desire to serve because of Love.   I love the people of Fiji so much! And just like Lehi learned in his vision..... when we find something wonderful (like a great book, a delicious treat, a great deal, a delicious piece of fruit, or the Gospel of Jesus Christ) our first reaction is a huge desire to share it with those we LOVE!

I think that the Lord does something tricky.  When he calls us to serve somewhere, he almost immediately blesses us with an indescribable and overwhelming love for those people.

 He is real smart.

Love drives hard work and sacrifice and all of those other important ingredients in successful missionary work.

I love the people of Fiji and want with all my heart for them to be truly happy.  I want them to feel the happiness that living the Gospel brings.  And that's why I'm going on a mission.

I Love to See the Temple.... I Went Inside THIS WEEK!

"I love to see the temple.  I'm going there someday.

To Feel the Holy Spirit, To listen and to pray.

For the temple is a house of God, A place of love and beauty.

I'll prepare myself while I am young; This is my sacred duty."

"I love to see the temple. I'll go inside someday.

I'll cov'nant with my Father; I'll promise to obey.

For the temple is a holy place where we are sealed together.

As a child of God, I've learned this truth: A Fam'ly is forever."

What a beautiful song.

Over the last 20 years, I have waited.... and hoped..... and dreamed.... about the day I would finally be able to show my recommend and enter the temple to receive my own endowments. 

That day was Tuesday.  Tuesday October 29th, 2013. 

It was absolutely BEAUTIFUL. There are no other words to describe it. 

I can testify that the temple truly is "The House of the Lord."......That His Spirit fills every ounce of that sacred building. 

As I reflected back on my experience, something crazy happened.  I realized that I have not been the only one waiting.  I have not been the only one counting down the days.  My Heavenly Father has also patiently waited.  He had been looking forward to Oct. 29th, 2013 as much if not MORE than I had.  I imagine Him excitedly running around Heaven telling everyone that the day was finally here! I imagine Him making sure everything was perfect for this blessed day.  Smiling ear to ear when I showed the adorable temple workers my recommend. Shedding tears of joy as I made sacred covenants with him. 

But then, why wouldn't He?  I am his precious daughter and he wants more than anything for me to be able to live with him again! And this was an essential step!  He wants all of us to return to live with him! I am absolutely positive that he rejoices for each of us individually as we enter His holy temples. 

As I thought about entering the temple, I knew that I wanted to be well prepared for this sacred experience.  

These are the things that I feel helped me prepare:

1. This Book:

This is an easy quick read but definitely worth your time. You can purchase it here. The biggest thing I took from this book  (and I have reflected back on it often) is this formula.....

Preparedness = Worthiness + Knowledge

Preparing for the temple can be overwhelming.  But I think this breaks it down into something a little more digestible.  Worthiness and Knowledge.  I can handle that.  Keep in mind the temple recommend interview questions as you strive to become worthy.  

2. This Pamphlet:

This one is a given.  The things in this pamphlet are the things the Lord would have us understand before we enter his Holy Temples.  The Brethren have been inspired to know what the Lord wants us to learn and do as we prepare. READ IT! Study it.  Mark the crap out of it.  Take notes.  Pray about it.  Learn! Pray about any questions you may have before you read it.  Then be attentive as the Lord answers your questions through the spirit as you study this pamphlet.  

This paragraph was one that hit me hard. 

"If you are going to the temple for the first time it is quite normal for you to be a little unsettled.  WE are naturally anxious about the unknown.  We often become nervous over new experiences.

BE AT PEACE.  You are going to the temple. You will have someone to assist you at every turn.  You will be carefully guided - be at peace."

and it makes sense.

  The temple is a place of peace.  We need not be afraid.  (And it's true.  There really is someone to assist you at every turn. :))

3. Parents, Leaders, and Friends.

Righteous parents, leaders, and friends love you and want to help you prepare for this experience.  I am so thankful to all of those in my life who have given me advice and supported me in my decision to go through the temple.  I have had fabulous examples throughout my life that have made me so excited for this beautiful experience. 

One piece of advice / insight that stuck out to me as I was preparing, was concerning my new temple recommend.  

"Don't ever loose track of it.  Keep it safe.  It is the most important and most valuable card you will ever hold.  It is quite literally the KEY to our Heavenly Father's home."  

What beautiful advice.  My Father in Heaven has trusted me with a key to His home.  I will strive to always cherish it and use it.  To not take it for granted. 

Temple Goals:

1. Go to the Temple once a week before my mission.

2. Go to the Temple at least once a month for the rest of my life. 

(In the mission field is probably an exception.)

3.  Learn something new EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Like the above quote says, I know sometimes going to the temple may appear as a sacrifice at times in my life, but I have faith that it will be WORTH it.  It is an opportunity for my Heavenly Father to bless me. 

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I am so  Grateful.

Grateful for the blessing of growing up in the Gospel.

Grateful that I was introduced to the beautiful song "I Love to See the Temple" at a young age. 

Grateful that I was taught and inspired by Leaders and parents and friends throughout my life who have helped point my life in the direction of the temple. 

Grateful for my Savior who lived and died for me.  

Grateful to my Heavenly Father who has ALWAYS been rooting for me. 

Grateful for Temples and for the blessings received within their walls. 

Grateful for the opportunity to serve a mission in Fiji and share these beautiful blessings with the people I love so much. <3

Of Surgical Instruments and Missionary Work

If you know me, you know that I am a serious over thinker. So it is only natural that over the last few months I have sifted through tons of different possible blog names.  I finally decided on 

"An Instrument in His Hands."  It's so perfect.  I feel like this title pretty much sums up my feelings on serving a mission.  

A few years ago I read a book called "LOVE IS A VERB" by Mary Ellen Edmunds.

Holy Crap friends.  If you haven't read this book. READ IT! It is just a short little thing and yet it has wiggled it's way to the top of my favorite book list. She is such a funny lady! It's entertaining and so powerful. And you can buy it for under 10 buckaroos! Buy it on Amazon here! :)

She has a chapter titled "Instruments." I love everything she says in it. She talks about one experience she had in a surgical room as a student nurse.  As surgery began she started getting a little queasy. 

[I can relate.] 

So she decided to focus on something besides the blood and guts.  She started thinking about all of the surgical instruments on the table. These were her thoughts..... 

"What if they had minds of their own? That scalpel he was using right then- what if it suddenly decided it didn't want to do what the surgeon was directing it to do, and it started just chopping around, exploring and slicing and ...well you get the idea"

She goes on to say......

"......"Scalpels don't do that.  They don't go off on their own.  They're instruments in the hand of the surgeon and he knows what he's doing.  they're part of the team, but they do what they're directed to do. I thought about the perspective the surgeon had that the scalpel didn't...."

Even though this example makes me heart whirl and my stomach feel all woosy, I love it because I think it relates perfectly to missionary work.  Just like all things medical, the realization that I am moving to a new country, speaking a new language, and serving the Lord as a full time LDS missionary in just 5 short weeks is a little overwhelming and makes me feel a bit dizzy.

That sounds so hard.

Can I do it? How in the world will I ever be ready? What if I mess up? How the heck am I going to learn a language that sounds like toddler gibberish? What if I'm an awful teacher? What if I'm shy?  How will I know what to say?..... who to teach? 

I'm not ready to perform surgery.  I'm just a little scalpel.   

But then I remember...... 

I'm not performing surgery by myself.  The Lord will not leave me to figure it out on my own.  I am an instrument in HIS hands.  He has a plan and he knows my strengths and my weaknesses.  My job is just to be as obedient and exact as I possibly can.  To be in tune with the spirit so my Heavenly Father can direct me. I like to think of the spirit as the invisible strings that attach the scalpel to the surgeon.  The direct line of inspiration connecting me to my Heavenly Father directing me in all that I do.  I believe that is the key to true success in the mission.  He wants to help me help his children.  If I will only turn everything over to him.

"Men and women who turn their lives [missions] over to God will find out that he can make a lot more out of their lives [missions] than they can.  He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities,comfort their souls, raise up friends and pour out peace.  Whoever will lose his life to God will find he has eternal life."

~ Ezra Taft Benson

Another reason I love this example is because there are SOOOO many different types of surgical instruments.  Can you imagine if the only tool surgeons had to use were one very specific type of scalpel?  Ridiculous.  They would get nothing done.  

Missionaries are the same way.  We are all different.  Different personalities, skills, strengths, weaknesses, and opinions.  And that's WONDERFUL! He needs all of us for different situations and different people.  I like to imagine my Heavenly Father in Heaven saying..... "I have a situation Aimee.  One of my sweet children in Fiji is struggling. I need someone with these specific characteristics to help bring them back to the fold.... and I think you are the perfect instrument! Will you go and do my work and let me guide you so together we can bring them to the truth?"

YES! I Will!

I love what Alma says in Alma 29:9 ......

"I know that which the Lord has commanded me,and I glory in it. I do not glory of myself, but I glory in that which the Lord hath commanded me; yea, and this is my glory, that perhaps I may be an instrument in the hands of God to bring some soul to repentance; and this is my joy."

This too is my joy.  And my greatest desire.  I want the Lord to be able to use me as an instrument.... To be able to count on me to do what I can to help. I know the secret to this is humility, obedience and hard work.  

I am so excited to be a missionary! Only 36 days....but who's counting? :)